"The Earth is like a grain of sand, only bigger."
-Anon

"A little greed can get you lots of stuff."
-Anon

"All things being equal, you lose."
-Anon

"Hard work never killed anybody...but why take chances?"
-Anon

"As easy as 1, 2, 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841."
-Anon

"A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy."
-Anon

"If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people."
-Anon

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
-Anon

"There are only three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't."
-Anon

"Golf scores are directly proportional to the number of witnesses."
-Anon

"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them."
-George Bush, US President

"Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand."
-Duffy Daugherty , football coach and sports analyst

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
-Bill Peterson, football coach

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump, upon finishing her first novel

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-Dan Quayle

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..."
-Dan Quayle

"P-O-T-A-T-O-E"
-Dan Quayle

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
-Dan Quayle

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
-Samual Goldwyn

"And now the sequence of events in no particular order."
-Dan Rather

"Arnie [Arnold Palmer], usually a great putter, seems to be having trouble with his long putt. However he has no trouble dropping his shorts."
-Golf broadcaster

5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Anything in parenthesis can (not) be ignored.

Do you know that if all the smokers were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?

In 1750 Isaac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.

Write your questions down on the back of \$20 dollar bill and send them to me.